She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
