The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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