Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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