The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
