I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
