No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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