you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
