A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
