we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
