Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
we should paint friendship bongs
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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