you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
