WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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