She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
he just fucked me for my cheese..
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
