The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Randomize
