I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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