Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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