I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
