woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
