TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
