Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
