After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
