If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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