The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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