I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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