Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
