evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
