Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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