she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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