You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
