I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
