Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
