There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
