you turned your livingroom into a bong?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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