I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
