Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
MIDGETS
????
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
