You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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