the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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