I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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