i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I lost the right to judge tonight
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
