I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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