So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
