I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
