i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
