Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
