Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Randomize
