jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
