Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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