I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
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