Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
