i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
