i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Send help, water and tortillas.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
