ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
