Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I need moral support for this bender
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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