Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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