I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
